I used to hate being alone. Hated it. In silence. When no one else was around or they were all busy or plans got cancelled or whatever. I would look for so many different things to pass the time, certain music I had no business listening to, shows that I didn’t need to be watching, etc. I would call a bunch of random people just to talk about nothing because I didn’t want to deal with the real issue. Me. I didn’t want to deal with the real issues. My own thoughts. The thoughts that had me thinking I wasn’t good enough. The thoughts that had me feeling like I would never be good enough. Pretty enough. The one who felt overlooked. Who felt like God had forgotten about her and could hear everyone but her.
The girl with some of the deepest insecurities. Some that are still present and being dealt with to this day. The brown girl, with thin sides, and over analytic mind, that needed validation from everyone else.
Me. I didn’t want to be with myself. Nor did I truly love myself. So, I avoided silence at all costs. At all costs.
It took years for me to truly understand the importance of silence. To understand that I had to face my struggles head on with God. And then one day, I realized that it just wasn’t me. It never had been. It had ALWAYS been me & God. Him waiting patiently for me to stop running from silence. Stop denying that I needed Him more than anything. Stop pretending that I was alright when I was desperate for Him to free me from myself & my pain. God. Jesus. My source. It took a lot of silence. Tears. Prayer. And grace for me to recognize the NEED for silence. Quiet time with myself and Him.
For Him to show me that I was good enough. Beautiful. Not crazy for being an over-thinker but instead helping me to sort me thoughts on a productive way. Now don’t get me wrong, too much silence isn’t good either HOWEVER, never forget that time spent with Him is never wasted. That silence, especially in our crazy, chaotic, and often busy lives can be just what the doctor ordered. Moments to decompress. To breathe.
What are some things that you can change to make time for silence with Him? What has been distracting you?
He wants to hear from you. All of you. Uninterrupted silence, & before you know it, it won’t be silence anymore because you will hear His voice. His direction. His comfort. And you receive His peace. His love. Him.
Find some time to set aside to be silent before Him. Ask Him to reveal Himself to you and help you to learn more about yourself. Along with overcoming your struggles, things you need to change, and use them for His glory. Be loved by Him. You have been all along.
I can’t wait to hear your stories! Love you & be encouraged!