Last weekend, I went to a conference (Unbecoming Me which is a GREAT conference BTW) with my girls from church and the speaker was talking about holding on to hurt, and unforgiveness, worry, insecurities, etc. I mean, y’all have been on this journey with me where I have shared that He has delivered me from this and that, and then this and that again LOL, so naturally, I’m sitting on the second row thinking to myself, “I’m good, I’ve been delivered, I’m fine. I’ll just be ready if someone else needs a hand to hold, some tissue, a hug, etc.” & almost in that same instance God was like, “Did you know you still are holding onto rejection, right?”
😐……..DOUBLE YIKES !
How prideful of me, first and also foremost! But additionally, a true statement. God’s good for that.
I instantly thought back to the father who is far from present in my life & never really was, the father-figure who always told me that I would never amount to anything, another who passed away, another who literally walked out on us, the boyfriends who had no problem letting me go even though I would spend hours thinking of the best way to break-up with them because God had shut it down….my thoughts even extended all the way to the fact that I honestly wouldn’t even know how to receive love from a man because I’m so used to men walking out on me. What a tough pill to swallow!
To think that there is a man that God is preparing me for but he possibly hasn’t revealed to me because I would tear him down the second we have a disagreement is a tough reality but may very well be true. It’s funny because I constantly get compliments from others and I’m quick to deflect them by responding in some form of a joke because I don’t really know how to receive it.
Rejection had become so normal to me that I didn’t even realize that I was still doing many of the same things the young middle schooler used to do when she was rejected long ago. And to be honest, I have really been asking God to search my heart to help me to be the best I can be, so naturally this was a tough reality to embrace. Rejection hurts. Period. When you don’t feel like you’re good enough or that you don’t deserve certain things because it hasn’t worked out in the past, you have to be able and honest enough to recognize it & then ask God to heal you. Because, guess what?
When you were “adopted” into His family, you, even in your undeserving state, became deserving along with being accepted. Accepted by the One who conceived his Only Son in a virgin, who lived for 33 years, preached for 3, and died, rose, and ascended into Heaven for your sins. I thinks that’s a pretty good reason to leave rejection in the wind, ask God to heal your heart, change your perspective, & give you a fresh start!
Regardless of the ones who have left you, walked out on you, told you that you wouldn’t be this or that, hurt you, abused you, know that God will restore everything that you lost and then some! You just have to give it up to him, he won’t force it on you, you have to give it freely. It’s worth it!
Pray for me as I pray for you and be encouraged. I can’t wait to hear from you and how you aren’t allowing rejection any room in your life anymore! You are loved, talk to you soon!
Yours, but more importantly His,
– J. 💕