So, I’m in a season where God is blessing, restoring, & healing our family.
Last September, we had a parent pack their bags and completely walked out on us while we were gone and we were devastated. Crushed. Broken. So many other emotions that are still being uncovered to this day. But even in spite of that, I knew that this was an opportunity for myself, my mother, and my brother to get closer together.
At the same time, I had just been visiting a new church and was developing relationships that felt like I’d had for my whole life. Relationships with people who loved me for me, we worshipped together, were authentic together, and so many other things. At first, it was just me that was attending. Then with time, my brother started going with me, and my mother began to see how excited we were to be a part of something that was bigger than us. Around people who loved us, even though we barely knew each other. The love of Christ. Unconditional. She began coming soon after, and the healing that I witnessed in her alone, overwhelmed me beyond words.
One of the biggest things that I have learned, is I have a hard time receiving things from other people that I don’t have anything to give in return. Or should I say, when they don’t want anything in return. For so long, I operated with the notion that if someone gave to me, there would be a desire for something back. Or, my pride wouldn’t allow for me to fully receive with the thought that at some point, it would get thrown back in my face later. It was a barrier that I had unknowingly put up as a way to protect myself.
I had developed this same concept with God. I’ll give you an opportunity to try to figure out how that makes sense. Lol. The thought process was this: I’m imperfect, I make mistakes, people expect things back from me when they give, and I’m undeserving, so naturally when God blesses me, my first question is why? I have nothing to give in return. I don’t deserve it. I’m not worth it. This tied completely back to relationships in my past that didn’t last. That contributed to me not feeling like I was good enough. Tied back to how I measured my worth.
Recently, however, God has been revealing to me that:
- My worth and value is not correlated to relationships that didn’t last or to people who left me. My worth is directly connected to my Savior who was sent to Earth to die for my sins with the understanding that I was going to make mistakes. I was good enough for that. And so are you.
- IT’S OKAY TO RECEIVE SOMETIMES! I never mind going out of my way to love and give for other people, but it’s okay for that same love to be given to me from others. Simply because they love just as hard as I do.
- I have to not take past experiences and project them onto my current and future relationships. To give everyone a clean slate and trust God throughout that process. To let people love me, without assuming that they will leave after a certain period once I was comfortable.
With Thanksgiving in a couple of days, I want to take the time to say that I am grateful for the gift of receiving. Receiving God’s love, His blessings, the love from the relationships old and new in my life, and the opportunity to allow someone else around me to be able to receive too. I’m thankful for my healing process & for growth and development that is taking place even as I write this.
I want you to know, that you are anything like me, you are worth it. God doesn’t want us to not receive his love based on what we can give back, but more so, just because that’s who He is. How He loves us. That’s it. And for that, I am eternally thankful.
Enjoy your loved ones this week & don’t forget to receive along with giving. Love you && Happy Thanksgiving.
- J. 💕