For the past few months, I have been ALL OVER THE PLACE! I’ve found myself completely confused with the state and status of my life. I’ve honestly been terrified because, for the first time in my life, I have no real plan for what I want to do next.
Now, if you’ve been here before, you’ve seen my page of goals and desires, however, how I am going to get there, I couldn’t even begin to tell you.
It’s been exhausting, to say the least, running from thought to thought, plan to plan, and then to watch it all fall apart right before my eyes. I even fell into a mild depression for a time as if “this was it” for me.
In the midst of the cloudiness and the fog, prayers of my closest loves, and brutal honesty, I learned that it is in my lack of trust in God that has given me such anxiety. Other than my grandfather and a few other male figures in my life, I didn’t grow up with a consistent father figure in my daily life. And to be honest with you, the fact that the effects of it being out of my control has been the hardest thing to manage.
It wasn’t until I learned to pray, ”God, help me to see YOU as a Father, as a Provider, knowing that you are giving and taking care of me, helping me to learn to trust in You in ALL THINGS, including my life.” It was then that I was able to begin healing, healing from my “Daddy Issues”, healing from those decisions made by imperfect humans that brought such frustration to my life.
I see God in literally everything, from the paid meals from friends to “dodged bullets” in my daily life. Even to those moments where He shuts me up like a true father would. I do not have the words to share how my life is all the better.
I’m learning to go with the flow. To just be. To rest. I still don’t really know what’s to happen next but I know that my Daddy’s already got it covered and that’s all that matters.
I pray this encourages you. I am believing with you.
Yours, but most importantly, His,