So I have to say. These last few weeks have been……well, I don’t even know how to describe it. It’s like when you go away to camp for the first time as a child. You’re so incredibly nervous at first, but once you go, meet new people, learn new things, create lasting relationships, and if you’re lucky, you enjoy things from a completely new space.
Now, I may be alone in describing the “summer camp” experience, but hey, I’ve always been a little different. Lol.
A few weeks back, really seeking God out, I prayed the dangerous prayer, “God, show me my heart.” — A prayer that David would pray constantly as a means of always presenting Himself as pure before The Lord. I use the term “dangerous prayer” because God desires to show us ourselves so that we can turn and surrender, or give, these sins, or bad traits, back to Him. We need that to be close to Him, but it doesn’t make the reality of our ugliness easy to process.
In praying this prayer, I have learned that there is still as a root of “unbelief” in our God and His abilities to take care of me as well as manifesting the Promises that I feel He’s shared with me. OUCH! — Acknowledging this recurring truth has only caused me to become that much frustrated with myself. Talk about kicking a man when he’s down.
He’s had to gently remind me that it’s not in the “good acts” that cause Him to love me. It’s not in the “perfect attendance” to His Presence or even the way that I lead worship that affects His love for me. His love for me is unchanging, simply because of who He is. I cannot earn His love for me. I just need to receive it. Ask Him to help me to just receive. And in that, I have to just be honest with Him. Honest with how I’m feeling. Not reject myself for not being as far along in my faith walk as I feel I “should” be.
If you have felt any of these emotions in the past, let me let you in on a little secret — God already knew and planned for you to be exactly where you are. He’s had us in the palm of His Hands the entire time. Gently and patiently weaving together every moment to draw us back to Him. The true essence of our Creator.
The beauty of our emotions is that God so intricately created each one of us in His image. Emotional beings. We are allowed to feel. However, in honoring our emotions, we are not meant to be emotional rollercoasters. Honor, but not be lead by. Surrendering our anger and hurt back to God. Allowing Him to accentuate the joy and peace. Sharing with him our sadness and bitterness. Providing room for healing as well as falling more in love with Him. His character. His beauty.
I am honored to have experienced God in the ways I have lately. It’s like something you can’t explain nor can you capture the entirety of its truth. I pray that you ask Him to reveal Himself to you in a way like never before. For each moment with Him to never be taken for granted or become ordinary. Truly an intoxicating reality.
What are you needing from God today? Tell Him. What emotions have you had yet to honor? How can I pray for you today?
Thank you for reading. I love you all so much.
Yours, but most importantly, His,